Looking for permission to say "no?"

If you’re subscribed to this newsletter, I know you’re already motivated to network.

And if you’re anything like my clients, what you’re really seeking is structure and permission to network strategically. Let me explain.

When I talk to people about networking, I hear the same story over and over:

“I go to all these events…”

“I'm having coffee and lunch with people often...”

“I keep a few spots open on my calendar each week, so I’m busy and good about networking…”

What I also hear is:

“…but I don't know which of these events are actually going to turn into business for me.”

“…my business is busy enough as is, but I feel pressured to keep saying yes to meeting with people.”

These doubts lead people to believe that the solution is more networking. 🫣

However, more networking (in these scenarios) leads to burnout, regret, and loss of productivity.

Relationships are the number one driver of business growth — yet most executives manage their network in a static spreadsheet or in their head. As a connection architecture firm, we architect a system to manage an executive's relationships and grow them over time so that their network becomes a compounding asset, and their networking activities turn into a flywheel that attracts people directly to them. ⚙️🧲

As part of that process, we help clients identify something that they can do consistently that provides value to the people they're looking to engage with.

A tale of two attorneys

☕ I recently had coffee with an attorney who relayed a lot of those oft-mentioned, aforementioned remarks about networking to me. She's in all kinds of networking groups, and yet she confided… “I'm having lunch or coffee with a lot of people, yet very few of them actually turn into business.”

And what’s worse? Those networking groups she’s in are actually burdening her with additional introductions. “In a quarter I received around 25 introductions from the networking groups I’m in, and I took all of them…” she confessed. Spoiler alert: hardly any of them had client potential.

WHOA. 🙅🏽‍♀️ 

💡 Lesson No. 1 to cracking the code: implement the double opt-in.

If you’ve never heard of the double opt-in, read this first, and then adopt it as your standard for making introductions. If we all did this the world would be a much better networking place. 🙏🏽

Next, set this as your standard for being introduced.

For example, let’s say you receive an email from someone introducing you to another person, without them having checked with you first.

Reply back only to the person who made the introduction, and say something like this:

💡 Lesson No. 2: not every new connection requires 1:1 time.

If you meet someone new or are introduced to someone (via double opt-in, I hope! 😉), I'm giving you permission not to schedule a 1:1 with them if they aren't closely aligned with your business goals.

Instead, invite them to a group gathering—quarterly, bi-annually, virtually, or whatever cadence works for you. The key is meeting 1-to-many rather than 1:1.

The format you choose should reflect your goals, business, personality, schedule, seniority level, and more. We work through this with our executive clients upfront to determine their perfect network growth strategy. Since it's a big undertaking, we'll skip the format diagnostic here (but reach out to me directly if you're interested in learning how we can work together).

For example:

Imagine the amount of hours you can save by directing people to one single calendar hold. 📆 🤩

💡Lesson No. 2: You don't have to do anything at all.

What if you just completely let go of the pressure of “I should be doing more networking?”

I’m giving you permission to just say no to the “I should” and to focus on taking care of yourself, your health, your family and your business.

Because that’s what our executive clients want: time for the things that matter most to them, without worry their business will fail as a result.

So here is my secret…

You can do more with less. Really.

👉 Example: a client case study

We recently onboarded a partner at a national law firm who was feeling much like the attorney I mentioned earlier.

After his kickoff session—where we got him crystal clear on the relationships he needs to meet his business goals and how we'll do that through strategic networking initiatives—it was MBD's time to shine. We architected a system that works perfectly for him.

For him and all our clients, the system we architect leverages consistency and selectivity, combining the realities of the client's schedule and seniority level + their ideal format for engaging with people + clarity on who they need to spend their time with.

Based on this client's schedule, we determined that a weekly breakfast was the most he could manage during the workweek, and one monthly dinner. He prefers intimate dinners, and the depth of conversation complements his complex expertise, so we designed his dinners for no more than three people.

With this structure in place, the question became: "How do we ensure each breakfast and dinner includes the right mix of people and delivers ROI?"

By this point, we had achieved three points of clarity for the client:

🧠 "I will consistently reach out to people who match my ideal client profile and invite them to breakfast once a week."

🧠 "I will consistently host a dinner with two complementary decision-makers from my network."

🧠 "If I have a system that enables me to do one or two things consistently, I can achieve more by doing less."

Building on this, we agreed he would only attend two or three events per month that aren't clearly aligned with his business goals. But he must get personal fulfillment from those events or know that people aligned with his goals will attend—assessed case by case.

The result? The client was delighted (really!) because he realized this would free up his schedule rather than add "more networking" to his plate, which was his fear.

More importantly, he was energized knowing he'd be laser-focused on decision-makers who could drive meaningful business (we're talking millions of dollars in revenue here).

📣 In short: YES, you can grow your network and accelerate relationship-building with potential buyers and partners by doing less than you're doing now. It's all about HOW you spend your time (hint: that's where connection architecture comes in 😉).

➡️ The Takeaway: A Mindset Shift

The power of our Networking OS™ lies in the mindset shift it enables: it's okay to have business goals and to meet people aligned with those goals—that's what networking is!

Networking exists to help people achieve business outcomes through relationships. We know it works because we've all experienced its power at some point in our careers.

Without a system, networking feels like a crapshoot—you're waiting for something serendipitous to happen. But you don't have to wait for serendipity to strike. With a system, you can engineer those opportunities.

Look, you only have so many working hours in a week.

• You have permission to be clear on who you should spend those hours with.

• You have permission to focus on people who align with your goals.

• You have permission to not do "all the things"—guilt-free.

If this mindset shift resonates with you, I want to hear from you! Let me know if reading this empowers you to say "no" to a networking opportunity you're currently on the fence about.

-Nicole

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