How to avoid the do-not-invite list for events 🫣

If the last newsletter was about strategy, today’s is more about savvy: it’s time to cover some event etiquette.

Don't worry, this newsletter isn't turning into a Miss Manners column.

We're covering this topic because your networking efforts can be squashed when you leave a bad impression with an event organizer.

This isn't fear mongering. I'm explaining what it looks and feels like when people make these mistakes at events, and I hope to spare you from doing the same!

Here are a few surefire ways to annoy an event organizer—and fall off their future invite list:

1. Cancelling last minute. We live in a world where people can, and frequently do, send a text or email mere minutes before the start of an event with a “Sorry, I can’t make it” and any matter of excuses.

   As a mom of young child myself, I totally understand that once in a great while a real emergency comes up, like getting a call from your child's school that they’re sick and in need of a pick up. 
   

   But I also know (because I’ve felt the temptation myself) that, almost always, the last minute cancellation is simply because a person just doesn't want to go anymore. 

   And while I’ve definitely had a day where I don't feel like going to an event, I also know the cons of last-minute cancelation far outweigh the pros of the few hours of not being there.
   
   Last minute cancellations (or worse, no-shows) brand the canceller a flake (yes, it does, for those aghast). It’s disrespectful to organizers of events because they have mapped operations, coordinated activities and programming, and spent money based on your being there.

2. Not paying attention to the details, or reading the instructions of, an invitation. lf an organizer has taken the time to spell out the particulars of an event — what to wear, where to park, what time it starts, etc. — don’t ignore that effort by asking them a question they’ve already provided an answer to. In fact, depending on how important that question truly is, you’re likely better off asking Google for your answer before hitting up the organizer.

   
   And, in the spirit of the tip No. 1, definitely don’t save questions till the last minute, either. As an event organizer myself, I am actually often unreachable in the hours leading up to an event: not only am I busy getting ready, more importantly, I don’t want to be on my phone when people are arriving. I choose to be present.
   

3. Not responding when an organizer asks something of you as a guest. Let me be specific: I host private events where costs are covered and seats at the table are highly desirable. If you attend one of my events and have a wonderful time, I may later ask you to recommend someone for the next gathering. It's perfectly fine if you can't think of anyone. What's not fine is ignoring my message entirely. I've invited and paid for hundreds of guests over the years, and those who don't respond to a simple request rarely get invited back.
   

4. Being sales-y or spammy at the event. Need I say more?

Now, let's talk about a different scenario: what if someone who isn't the organizer invites you to an event?

But first, a bit of context. Did you know that inviting people to an event is a great network-expanding trick?

If you get invited to an event by someone who is not the organizer, avoid doing these things:

1. RSVPing to the person who invited you, rather than the organizer. I invite people to events all the time and make it clear I am not the organizer, giving careful instruction that they need to RSVP to the organizer. And yet… I get people trying to submit an RSVP through me, asking me about bringing a friend, parking, etc. Don't ask me, ask the organizer.

2. Forgetting to say a simple "thank you for inviting me." Or worse, not acknowledging the invite at all, even if you can't make it. If I've extended an invite to you, it means I've given this some thought and believe it's worth your time, that you'll gain something, or at least have some fun. It is always appreciated if you acknowledge that thoughtfulness, even if the event isn't aligned with your interests.

3. Not considering returning the favor(s) in the future. Building off the last point, if you attend something I've invited you to, it's always nice to feel appreciated through a reciprocal invitation when the opportunity arises. To be clear, there is never an expectation to reciprocate, or bend over backwards, I share this simply to say that it is always appreciated when someone is thoughtful.

4. Being sales-y or spammy at the event. Again, enough said.

I often hear people say, “I never thought about that,” when we talk about networking, and event etiquette is often one of those blind spots. This isn’t about manners; it’s about protecting your reputation and staying on the right invite lists.

In our client work, when someone is constantly tempted to cancel last-minute or force themselves into events they don’t even want to attend, it usually means they need better networking architecture—not more networking. The same goes for coffee chats: if every invite feels like too much, it’s a sign that you need clearer filters for how often, and with whom, you invest your time.

When your networking is intentional, showing up well is easy, because the room truly matters and you don’t want to miss it.

Thanks for reading,

Nicole

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If you are not a Gen Z member yourself, this episode gives you a look into what they’re thinking, feeling, and more. I always push myself to be exposed to other perspectives, and this includes other age ranges.